Hope & Radiation

Today I begin radiation.

While they tell me it’s the easiest part of the cancer treatment, for some reason it’s made me feel more vulnerable than anything else I’ve been through.

Last week I had to go in twice to let them take x-rays and mark me up so they’ll know the exact spot to zap.

radition chamberMaybe I feel more vulnerable because I have to strip down to my waist with my arms raised back over my head while the techs draw all over me with radioactive sharpies.

Maybe it’s because the chamber itself feels like something out of Star Trek.

Maybe it’s because I’ve seen pictures of the blistering that can occur.

Maybe it’s because I’m by myself.

It makes sense to go by myself because it only takes a few minutes and it doesn’t make you feel bad or anything. So I don’t really need anyone to go with me.

But still.

I think I’m just going through a spell of really being tired of all this. If you’ve ever had an illness that lasts for an extended period of time, you know that you reach a point that you’re just done. It’s just hard. And even though I’m through the worst part of treatment, I’m still not finished.

I won’t be until next September.

And already, going to doctors’ appointments and treatments and scans and getting poked and prodded just gets old.

I’m ready to feel like myself again. Look like myself again. Fit in my clothes again.

Feel my feet and hands again.

But for now,

I’ll remember loved ones whose cancer treatments make mine look like a walk in the park.

I’ll remember that I’m here.

In this season of hope.

1st advent candle

 

Advertisements

17 Comments Add yours

  1. Paul Lakey says:

    Always know that we are praying for you “without ceasing” (KJV ;=D). We will not cease. We miss you big time and pray for full healing and recovery and peace through the anxiety, anticipation, pain, and process. Feel the presence of the Holy Spirit and your great circle of warriors when you feel alone. Easier said than done, I know. Love you sis, Paul and Raye

    1. sallygary says:

      So good to hear from you, Paul, thanks for this message of encouragement. I still have your cross necklace you gave me early one morning at Hendricks – it goes with me into every procedure! Love & miss y’all, too.

  2. Delbert & Beverly Langford says:

    God bless you, dear Sally, with continued hope and complete healing. You are indeed a precious and strong woman.

  3. Sarah Taylor Greenspan says:

    Sally- you are a warrior and you have many praying for you. Sending you strength for this part of the journey. And the honesty in your writing is such a gift. Ms. Rowe and Mrs. Crowe would be proud of their student! Take care.

    1. sallygary says:

      Ah, Flo & Doris! They taught us well. Thanks for the reminders, Sarah.

  4. Lissa Welch says:

    Oh my darling girl . . . the fact that you made it this long before feeling this way is pretty amazing. But then, you are amazing. Of course you’ll make it through. Of course you know this. But it doesn’t help in the times of, I AM SO DONE WITH THIS! Wish I could go with you. We could at least laugh all the way there and all the way home.

    1. sallygary says:

      Wish you could go with me, too, as we would most definitely laugh going to and from, and in between! As soon as I can, I want to plan a trip to North Carolina to visit. It’s been way too long. And those grandkids are way too cute!

  5. Fern says:

    Your attitude is inspiring and all of us are praying for you, for your healing, for your influence everywhere you go, for your words you pen, for your family, for your heart, for your spirit to shine! You are loved, not just by us lowly earthlings, but by the great big God of the universe who is always there! Big hugs! Fern

    1. sallygary says:

      Thanks, Fern, for the sweet reminder!

  6. Lenda Burk says:

    Love you Sally and think of your often!

    1. sallygary says:

      Love y’all, too, Lenda!

  7. Karen Hendrick says:

    My brother says they now regulate your radiation with computers in most offices and that the patient does not get burned. I will pray for that outcome for you. Praying and sending you hugs & hope. Love, Karen Hendrick

    1. sallygary says:

      Good to know, Karen, thanks!

  8. porchefamiy says:

    God bless you, Sally! We continue to pray for you daily with love.🙏❤️

  9. unclecarl says:

    May the Peace that is beyond understanding follow you into that tunnel. Claustrophobia makes the ‘big tunnel’ just too frightening for some who need it. And, apparently, you don’t have that problem. I have had a need for the MRI myself and actually WENT TO SLEEP inside the dogged thing. (Loud, steady noises have that effect on me.)

    Anyway, you are in good hands. (His) Be at peace and be healed. The world needs more of what you have to give.

    Carl

    1. sallygary says:

      Thanks for that, Carl. And I didn’t have to go in a tube like an MRI – this was like a satellite on a robotic arm that went all around me. Pretty cool. After it was over!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

w

Connecting to %s